If Only You Knew; What You Wanted To Say..

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

3:54 PM

I Believe..

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands

I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you

I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem

I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality

I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists

I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye..

Sunday, March 21, 2010

5:47 PM

Be The Change You Wish To See In The World..

I want to do something.. Something amazing..

I want to make a change in this world..

I want to do something that matters to someone..

I want to reach through the darkness into someones heart..

Pull them out of the darkness and into the light..

Bring them some sunshine, a break from the dark nights sky..

Even if it lasts for a moment..

That moment could change a life forever..

Believe in the power of love..

Im reaching out..

Touch it..

~ LOVE ~

xxxx

4:43 PM

You Dont Know Me..

A time has come when I need to express my feelings..

Draw.. Blog.. Photograph..

Set my creativity free..

Peace..

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

2:43 PM

Because I Knew You.. I Have Been Changed For Good..

I'm limited

Just look at me - I'm limited

And just look at you

You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda

So now it's up to you

For both of us - now it's up to you...

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know

There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good...

Friday, January 29, 2010

8:25 AM

In Days Gone By..

She leans forward and stares blankly into the distance..

A silent tear rolls down her face as she remembers what was and what will never be again.. Anguish and pain is written all over her tear stained face and not even her usual fake smile can mask the sadness she feels today, enough to fool a perfect stranger..

The realization that things will never go back to the way they were is almost unbearable.. The knowledge that they only was to move in this life is forward, contradicts the pull of her heart, back to the days where life was almost perfectly simple, where HE could fix everything..

As she drifts back into the moment, the perfect memory becomes jaded as those faded tortured memories relight in the forefront of her mind.. As she tries to escape the past, tears gush down her ghost like features and she is snapped back into the present time..

Back here, she realises that wherever she escapes to, the pain remains the same..

She misses him.. She misses her.. She misses how they were.. She contemplates whether life will always be this way..

The pain ceases and her numb body slumps back into the seat of the bus..

Take her back.. To days gone by..

Monday, September 14, 2009

7:44 AM

Sweet Silver Lining

Im going home

Downhearted and hoping

Im close to some new beginning

I know

Theres a reason for everything

That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me

To be strong and to fight

But Im just surviving

I may be weak but Im never defeated

And Ill keep believing

In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days

I try my best to put on a brave face

But inside

My bones are cold and my heart breaks

But all the while

Somethings keeping me safe

And alive

I wont give up like this

I will be given strength

And now that Ive found it

Nothing can take that away

You looked me in the eye a little over 2 years ago and asked me; “Do you look at me and think; You are 20 something years old and you still haven’t got your shit together? Get your shit together? Do you think I’m a mess?”

I looked you right back in the eye and told you I didn’t.. I meant it. I saw a woman who was making her own way through life, and its obstacles. A woman who deserved her own happiness despite what anyone else thought.

I sit here 2 years later and I realize the importance of what you asked me. You were asking me if by 20 something years old you were supposed to have the world figured out perfectly. I know the answer now. And the answer is no.

I looked up to you then. I look up to you now. If the truth be known.. I always have, and always look up to you. I have watched you fight in the face of adversity for the life you want to lead, and the life you want for your babies.

If we sat on your back door step, and you once again asked me the same question, I have an answer for you.. The truth is, it’s the exact same answer.. I see a strong woman, making her own way through life, through its trials and its obstacle. A woman who is making an amazing world for her babies. A woman who deserves all the happiness this world can bring. A woman that deserves to be loved, for exactly who she is..

I find myself in the same place you were in then, and if the truth be known probably play in the back of your mind frequently. I find myself wondering why I don’t have this world figured out. Why I can’t get my shit straight, and find myself wondering if I have failed in this world. I think back to this moment, and realize how important of a question it was and is.. It gives me comfort in knowing, I’m not the only one in this world, struggling to find my own..

Our stories though completely individual, have very similar threads running through them..

2 years on.. So much in between.. But the one thing that was most prominent back then, remains so strong..

You are my best friend.. You know too much..

You are a hero to me.. In life, in love.. In facing the world with strength although underneath that may not always be the truth in your heart..

Love you Paki xxxxxxxx

Saturday, June 20, 2009

4:19 PM

Stuck In A Moment..

The sun blazes down on a place where no words can speak accuratly emotion. Where silence knows no end. Where you can find peaceful moments in this hectic world. Even as the cars fly down the street infront of you, you still do not break from the moment, lost in your emotion and un naturally unaware of your surroundings. Nothing can reach into your soul and break you away from that.. Nothing but the touch of a human, who feels and understands, that which you feel..

Words need not be spoken in this place. You can sit here unable to comprehend how you are going to rise to your feet and step away from her place, but them the smile of a stranger offers the knowledge that you are not alone, that though for that moment yoy feel completely alone in your grief and reminiscing, you are not.

I find myself once again lost in this place, remembering Griselda for everything she was, and everything she brought to my life. Mid thought I sneeze.. A young boy looks up from decorating a grave with his Mom across she cemetery "Bless you.." I hear.. "Thank you.." Thank you for reaching me.. Compassion. 2 simple words.. Who would have known coming from a stranger they could mean so much and make you so appreciative of simple words and emotion.

After an hour long moment, I timidly rise to my feet, say goodbye for now to our Princess and step away. I sink into the car and find myself driving so slowly away from her. Breathe.. I realize I am not ready to leave her yet. I pull over and climb to a quiet shaded spot where I find myself.

I catch myself as the memories of laying our Princess to rest come to mind.. I try to block them out with memories of the amazing times we shared, but for a split moment, the saddest memories push through to the forefront of my mind. They offer a stark reality, never until this moment have I been able to accept that Griselda is gone from our arms. Ive stopped myself from visiting her before because denial was easier, but this day, and this unexpected moment finally bring the reality to light.

Sadness streams through my body and I find myself unable to express, what it is, that I feel.. I find myself staring out over all of the flowers that mark a resting place to somebodys loved one and I realize in a second how precious and fragile life really is..

I realize tnat I have never missed anyone, nor longed to hear their voice as much as I do with Griselda.. She touched my soul and changed my very being in ways I never knew to be true. She may have only been 8 years old and stood as tall as my hip, small and fragile but she was wise and more true tpo what this world is really about that anyone I have ever met or known in my time.

Griselda will forever be my reason to better myself and to live my life with love no matter what challenges I face.

I love her eternally.