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THE GIRL
a beautiful disaster..

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ABOUT A GIRL
story of her life..

I feel old now Im 24.. Pass the anti-wrinkle cream!

Ive learned alot over the past few years.. Ive learnt that most things arent ever as they seem.. People change.. Promises dont last.. But life still goes on..

I have an acute fear of odd numbers! I hate red hot drinks or food but will only take red hot baths or showers. I like my baths with copious amounts of pink bubbles.

I dont think I could go one day without listening to Music. SERIOUSLY! My favorite musicians of all time are The Carpenters and Paramore. Odd I know.

I miss the nights we put the world to rights on back door step. I like my Tea with milk and 2 sugars. I can play the flute and the drums. What a combo!

I officially suck at computer games!! ESPECIALLY the Wii! ;)

I hate pretty much all photos of me.. I see flaws I cannot stand in every single one of them.. People assume as I have so many that I love pics of myself.. That couldnt be the furthest thing from the truth.. I just think that these days are ones I want to remember when I am old.. You dont get it? Thats ok.. Dont sweat it!

Ive always wanted one of those Brooke Davis/P Sawyer kinda friendships.

Cherry Cokes from Sonic with extra whole cherries are the best drink ever. FACT. Im currently a lota bit obsessed with CSI & One Tree Hill.

I want to go to the moon.

I need to meet Kat Von D! If I die without a tattoo from her, my life wont be complete..

Lime body spray reminds me of year 6 of Primary School when we went on a school trip to London.

I live my life by song lyrics. Im sure I could write my life story in those little square emoticon thingys & I think Floyd laughs at me.

I LOVE photos & photoshop.. I cant wait to buy my first SLR this summer! I want to take amazing photos that mean something to someone! ♥

Converse for life!

I think religion and politics are a waste of time but some people have to hold onto them to get through the days.. But if that makes them happy, who am I to judge. I hate preachers, if I wanted your opinion, id ask.. Quit getting all up in my business.

I hate homophobes and racists.. Its not big and its not clever!

Ellen Degeneres is THE best talk show host. FACT!

I think that the English Justice System sucks! If you get a life sentence in Prison, if you play it good while you are in you could serve just 12 years.. Since when was 12 years a life time? DUMB! Life sentence should equal.. The rest of your life!

People say that the beauty of a woman should not be defined by the clothes that she wears and the makeup she applies.. I say.. It it makes you happy sweetheart, go right ahead!

I want to do something great with my life.. I want a job where what I do means something to someone.. I just want to be happy, and see other people happy.. Thats all that matters..

CURRENT FIXES
the little things..

weheartit.com
Lastfm.com
Twitter
Kat Von D
Pandora Braclets
Vanilla
Cheryl Cole
B&W Photos
Photoshop
CSI
Liquid Eyeliner
Fake Tan
One Tree Hill
Sexy Heels
The L Word
Diet Cherry Coke
Dr Pepper Zero
Cadbury Creme Eggs
Photography
Lush Baths
Black Nail Varnish
Nanna Blankets

LINKS
stalk me..

facefuck
myspaz
tweet tweet
we♥it

QUOTES
to live by..

because its only when youre tested that you truly discover who you are. and its only when youre tested that you discover who you can be. the person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has.. ♥

most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. but sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. we know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.. ♥

have you ever wondered what marks our time here? if one life can really make an impact on the world... or if the choices we make matter? i believe they do. and i believe that one man can change many lives. for better... or worse.. ♥

do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. the world you desire can be won. it exists. it is real. it is possible. it's yours.. ♥

we all make different choices and we need different things. but i think eventually we learn to define happiness for ourselves, on our own terms, in spite of the pain other people have caused us.. ♥

Monday, September 14, 2009
7:44 AM
Sweet Silver Lining

Im going home
Downhearted and hoping
Im close to some new beginning
I know
Theres a reason for everything
That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But Im just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And Ill keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days
I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Somethings keeping me safe
And alive

I wont give up like this
I will be given strength
And now that Ive found it
Nothing can take that away




You looked me in the eye a little over 2 years ago and asked me; “Do you look at me and think; You are 20 something years old and you still haven’t got your shit together? Get your shit together? Do you think I’m a mess?”

I looked you right back in the eye and told you I didn’t.. I meant it. I saw a woman who was making her own way through life, and its obstacles. A woman who deserved her own happiness despite what anyone else thought.

I sit here 2 years later and I realize the importance of what you asked me. You were asking me if by 20 something years old you were supposed to have the world figured out perfectly. I know the answer now. And the answer is no.

I looked up to you then. I look up to you now. If the truth be known.. I always have, and always look up to you. I have watched you fight in the face of adversity for the life you want to lead, and the life you want for your babies.

If we sat on your back door step, and you once again asked me the same question, I have an answer for you.. The truth is, it’s the exact same answer.. I see a strong woman, making her own way through life, through its trials and its obstacle. A woman who is making an amazing world for her babies. A woman who deserves all the happiness this world can bring. A woman that deserves to be loved, for exactly who she is..

I find myself in the same place you were in then, and if the truth be known probably play in the back of your mind frequently. I find myself wondering why I don’t have this world figured out. Why I can’t get my shit straight, and find myself wondering if I have failed in this world. I think back to this moment, and realize how important of a question it was and is.. It gives me comfort in knowing, I’m not the only one in this world, struggling to find my own..

Our stories though completely individual, have very similar threads running through them..

2 years on.. So much in between.. But the one thing that was most prominent back then, remains so strong..

You are my best friend.. You know too much..

You are a hero to me.. In life, in love.. In facing the world with strength although underneath that may not always be the truth in your heart..

Love you Paki xxxxxxxx